Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mum, I want a bike for my birthday".
Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had got into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.
Johnny's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year and write a letter to God telling him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter:
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Johnny knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over:
This is your friend Johnny. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Johnny knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again:
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either. Johnny was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Johnny's mother thought her plan had worked because Johnny looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.
Johnny walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Johnny began to write his letter to God:
I'VE GOT YOUR MUM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE SODDING BIKE.
Signed YOU KNOW WHO