Right now the pair I have on (mere moments ago) became the unwitting victims of the well known underwear serial killer Kaptain Kurry

This keeps happening to me. I eat a decent curry (lamb, beef, goat...doesn't seem to matter) and then somewhere between 2 hours and a half day later I experience a nuclear meltdown in my lower bowel. Last night it was an Indonesian preparation that was impressive to say the least. 10 minutes into this feast you could have detonated a claymore mine in my oesophageal tract and I wouldn't have cared a bit...in fact it's highly unlikely I'd even have known about it.

This morning I became aware of deep ominous rumblings from my nether regions, but ignored it since there seemed to be nothing else happening beyond that. About two hours ago I cut a fart that sounded like the Scunthorpe miners' brass band...but likely smelled worse than they've ever done. Then about 30 minutes ago, I experienced a tremendous anal pressure buildup which I foolishly allowed to continue without releasing the safety valve. Within minutes this sensation rapidly approached the unbearable stage, I leaned slightly to starboard in order to let fly.

As I leaned in even further in order to achieve the optimum angle for these endeavors, this thunderous roar emerged (I'm sitting on a pastic chair which is always good for acoustics) followed by some "splatting" sounds and a persistent warm wet oozing sensation. It became apparent to me almost instantaneously that I'd just shit myself....catastrophically. The stench in this office is fiendishly vile, there isn't another description I can think of. I ***know*** _exactly_ what the fuck I ate last night, 'cos I can goddam well SMELL IT!

As I write this, I'm painfully aware of the fact that I dare not move from this position for fear of what will happen next. Worse still, I'm in a clients office!!! (well, "broom closet" might describe my present abode more accurately, Janitorial staff keep stuff in here!) One worker came in (or opened the door anyway) just a minute or so ago, paused for the briefest of moments, then hastily slammed it shut. I'm sure he thought better of venturing inside owing to the fearsome blanket of shit odor that currently permeates the atmosphere. Let me put it this way; if I walked into a bathroom and detected a smell like this, I'd elect not to use the place unless it was the direst of emergencies.

What worries me is that I think there's gonna be an encore in the fairly near future. I can feel the second act rehearsing right now.

As a crisis management matter I put a call in to my wife to pack a change of clothing - inlcuding underwear _and_ an empty plastic garbage bag, and have my brother in law bring it over here. I warned him to call me when he was on this floor of the building. I intend to have him just fling the bag inside the door, then retreat. There's a large sink in here - probably for filling buckets or whatever where perhaps I can clean up some.

This is an appallingly bad situation to find oneself in.